A Clean Slate

A blog is a place to record random thoughts, right? Well, keep this in mind as I ramble on my random thought for the day...

It is interesting having two children. In more ways than one, as I am sure you can imagine. But mainly - sometimes, it makes me think. It allows me to put a lot of things into perspective.

You see, I have been watching Brooke grow and develop for the last 3 1/2 yrs. We started out with her as a tiny little baby in NICU (ok, she wasn't really that tiny). We watched her as she learned to smile, laugh, grasp things, play with toys, crawl, walk, talk, jump, make sentences, make sense, rationalize, tell stories, sing..... The list goes on. We really thought nothing of it I suppose. I mean, you just watch your kid grow up. You try to teach them and guide them to have the right attitude and be kind. Otherwise, mainly you just watch. Time will happen and their lives will unfold. We've been watching Brooke, guiding her and teaching her the best we could. She has developed her own little personality (again, or maybe not so little) and is quite a character, as well as beautiful in our eyes.

Then, enter Brenna. Baby Number 2. Or as we like to label them so Brooke cannot understand - B1 and B2. For those numerically challenged, Brooke would be B1, Brenna would be B2. Anyway, along comes Brenna. And for the first few months, we learned our new lives. We were introduced to her and we learned how our new family would live. We all adjusted. In good ways mainly. We each have roles in our family and we learned to accomodate our new roles as a new person joined our household. We also learned about this new little (ok, again...not so little) person. What she liked or didn't like.

Now, as we have all reached a comfortable point in our new roles and in our newly expanded family, it allows me time to reflect. I mean, I am not intentionally reflecting. I didn't start this day out thinking I was going to have "Deep Thoughts" kinda day. But as I am sitting here and watching Brenna, a moment of realization came to me. As she has figured out smiling, laughing, rolling over, and grasping things....I realize, we are again in "Watch Mode". We have just been watching her grow into her own little person over the last four months and 2 weeks.

Wow.

Here we have been blessed with two perfect children. Two clean slates. A mold to form. Granted they will have genetics involved in there too, but it's hard to imagine that only 3 short years ago, we were at this same plateau with Brooke.

Today, Brooke told us for the ump-teenth time that she wanted to hear a "mean story". I am not sure what that even means. She is also scared at night of a man coming through our garage into our house into her room and picking her up, taking her to his house and cutting her. Yes. It's very sad that she is scared of something that is so scary to me too! I kinda wish it was 'just' monsters or something.

It got me thinking even more. At this plateau with Brooke 3 yrs ago, she knew nothing of men, cutting, garages, monsters, nothing. She was a clean slate. How did we get where we are today? Brenna is now a clean slate. What should we do differently? Could we keep this child from hating vegetables? From being shy? I know...I know, genetics plays a strong factor and every kid is different, but having two children makes you think. Especially when you are at a bit of a crossroads. And Brooke is such a delight and has such a sweet spirit. I honestly wouldn't change a thing about her. Except, that now...she is scared of real world scary things. Well,...and it would be nice if she would eat at least ONE vegetable. ;)

Anyway, it is scary to me to imagine that God has entrusted these two little blobs of human life with us, their two parents, to raise, teach, and guide. I am ever so thankful that at least He is there to help and guide us with the biggest task and responsibility of my life!

One of those little blobs is already grown (to some extent of the word) and scared of men coming into the house to cut her. And full of life and songs and jokes and personality. The other blob is still a sort of blob and is very much clueless about the world. Can we keep it that way? I only wish...

Times like these and thoughts like these lead me to thinking....wishing...I could just yank my kids up and not have to let them go out into the world. Whether Brooke picked this new fear from TV, school, or the grocery store, it makes me scared to think how we are shaping our children. Which then, in turn, leads me to fear what we have ahead of us in the future. When they are 8, 11, 16, 20...

Wow.

What a big job we have as parents.

So, I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on our most important jobs. I try really hard not to take for granted all the small moments in life. I try really hard to appreciate every minute with my girls. (Sometimes its harder than others - like when Brooke is throwing a screaming fit - I sometimes find myself hoping this stage passes quickly, but do I really want that????) Today I watched Brenna sleep while I rocked her for a full hour! What else is better? What else is more important? When she's 16, she won't want to be rocked anymore. Time goes by so fast. So, I'm off to tend to my littlest blob now....my clean slate. 'Cause before long, she won't be a clean slate anymore.... :(